Angels - Pavel Chekov
by LuckyLuckyClover
Summary: Pavel Chekov learns the intricacies of human relationships after sitting near a girl in the fourth row of his ethics class. The highs, the lows, the sound of Russian mumbling, the smell of porridge and everything in between. He thinks he's met an angel, but can she learn to fly before he falls?
1. Chapter 1

Angels - Pavel Chekov

PART ONE

The Fourth Row, Some Yogurt and a Sea of Cyrillic

In the cold month of January, Vienna Hallows learns the hard way that it is indeed possible to do something both good and bad, simultaneously.

Things don't always go to plan. Vienna had applied to Starfleet because her school had told her to. She didn't object to the idea of space adventures, assuming her mark wasn't high enough to get accepted anyway. And on the way back to her dorm, she wonders just how she did it. She hadn't imagined this life for herself. She imagined a future much closer to home.

There are still another four days before classes. Vienna makes the most of her free time by studying before she _officially_ starts studying. She feels far behind already. A few days of working hard won't fix that. She puts her PADD down with a sigh and tells herself she'll come back to it when she's a little more focused.

The cafeteria is warm and has quickly becomes the hangout for most of the first-year students. Vienna takes her PADD from her bag and finds a seat at the edge of one of the long tables. For a little while, she manages to get lost in the chatter and read through another textbook chapter. Time slows a little and she realises that she's dreaming about space rather than getting anything productive done. She rubs her eyes and turns her PADD off, wondering if she's better off going back to her dorm for a while.

"Hey," someone calls. "Join us. We don't bite."

It's a tall guy calling out to her. He has a bright grin and dark hair, she smiles at him. She joins the end of their table and he asks what her name is. He has a look in his eyes she can't exactly interpret, almost like she's an old friend of his.

"I'm Vienna," she introduces.

"It's nice to meet you," he says, shaking her hand. "You ready to start classes yet?"

"Nowhere near," she laughs. "What division are you in?"

"Security. Surprise, surprise. What about yourself? I'd probably guess either science or medical?"

Vienna nods. "Medical. I didn't really think I'd end up in Starfleet but I somehow got in. I feel like I'm already behind and I haven't even started yet. I'm worried I won't last the first semester."

"Hey, if you're willing to try and study before we even start classes, I think you've got a pretty decent chance here. I specifically picked the subject that required the least amount of study."

The rest of the group are getting up and he asks if she wants to join them on a bar crawl. She declines, having little interest in drinking. He tells her he'll see her in class and just before he goes, she asks his name.

"Oh, I guess I didn't tell you. It's Damien. I'll see you around Vienna."

Classes start, and Vienna sits nervously in the fourth row. There are far more people than she expected hoping to be in the medical division. As soon as they start work she manages to focus in a little. Starfleet Academy moves quickly and covers topics as if everyone else in the room knows what's going on already. Vienna feels her confidence fade with every lecture slide that goes on. She gets a two hour break before her next class and spends most of it trying to catch up on everything she just went over. By the time her next class comes around she's already lost in thought.

Damien is in the same class for Starfleet protocol and ethics. It's a mandatory class and one of a few that they have to take as a first year. She waves to him as he passes and she gives him a soft smile. He returns her smile and takes a seat up the back with some of the people from the cafeteria. As the class begins, Vienna takes notes on her PADD. Ethics and protocol is far more relaxed than her medical class and she appreciates the slower pace. They're asked to get into pairs and Vienna looks across her row. Not many people seem to sit so close to the front. The nearest person is about five seats away and isn't sitting with anyone. He looks up, realising that the rest of the room are moving into pairs. He looks to his left and then to his right, noticing Vienna looking at him. He smiles politely, picking his book up. He takes a seat next to her and doesn't say anything while the lecturer finishes explaining their task.

"Hi," Vienna starts. "I'm Vienna," she smiles. His eyes meet hers and he gives her another polite smile.

"I'm Chekov," he introduces, breaking eye contact to pick up his pen. His hair is a mess of dark brown curls and he brushes them from his eyes before copying the title off the board.

"We have to discuss what we'd do if our friend disobeyed an order from a senior officer," she reads, looking at the board. "Um, I'll go first?" She suggests, wondering if he's shy. His voice is quiet and he doesn't seem to talk unless necessary. He nods and listens as she speaks, noting a few points on his PADD.

"Anything to add?" She asks, when she's finished her thought. He thinks for a few seconds, nodding a little.

"In the scenario they gave, they didn't explain why our friend did what they did. There could be some sort of justifiable reason. Hard to say without any background information."

It's then that Vienna notices a distinct accent, European perhaps. He doesn't pronounce 'th' or 'w' properly.

"Where's your accent from?"

"Oh, I'm Russian," he says quietly, still looking down at his notebook. He has a page of writing that seems to be entirely in Cyrillic and she wonders if it's from their lesson today.

"Is Russian your native language?"

He nods again, not adding anything to the comment. His leg is bouncing rapidly under the desk and she wonders if he's nervous. She was too a few hours prior. He keeps writing as the lecturer brings their attention back to the front of the room.

"Are you doing the Life on Starships introductory course?" He asks softly, looking over to her. She nods, asking if he is too. "Yes," he quietly agrees. "I'll probably see you in class."

It's then that she really notices how kind and gentle his dark blue eyes look. He goes back to his book, continuing to write in Russian and occasionally looks to the front of the class. The lecturer eventually wraps up and people start packing up their things. Chekov closes his PADD continuing to write in his book.

Vienna finds Damien later in that cafeteria and takes a seat across from him. He asks how she found her first full day of classes and she isn't entirely sure how to respond. Difficult is the first word that comes to mind, and it's the only word she can offer him. He nods in understanding, a little overwhelmed from his own morning of training. They start talking for a bit and in the middle of the thought, he stops talking, his eyes following something across the room. Vienna turns to see Chekov walking to a few tables away and taking a seat.

"You know him?" Vienna guesses. He shakes his head.

"Do you?"

"We were partners in class today. His name is Chekov."

"You're kidding?" Damien laughs. "The name rings a bell." He keeps his focus on Chekov for a little before turning back to Vienna. "Sorry," he says, distracted. "I should probably get ready for my next class."

"Me too actually," she mutters, bidding him goodbye.

Vienna's roommate is quiet. Vienna barely notices her there most of the time. She's studying engineering and always has her head in a book. They haven't said more than three sentences to each other at any one time but it doesn't feel awkward or hostile. They're both busy trying to catch up on the content for the day and get prepared for tomorrow.

Morning is equally as quiet. Neither of them eat breakfast, just taking fruit on the way to their classes and giving each other a quiet goodbye. Vienna is barely even thinking when she leaves her dorm room. She had dreamt about a boy on top of a building. He walked along the edges, every step had her a little more breathless. She doesn't remember what happened, she only remembers waking up worrying that she'd slept through her alarm.

Vienna is paired with Chekov again for partner work. Most people sit towards the back and there's only a few others in their row. This time they're talking about life onboard a starship and looking at how the safety controls work. They have to make a collective list of the different safety protocols Starfleet has in place and they come up with over a dozen. Chekov writes as Vienna guesses most of them. He can confirm if they're real or not and she trusts his judgement. He seems to know what he's doing in one way or another.

"Can I ask something?" Vienna says, tapping her pen against the side of her PADD. Chekov looks at her and nods, she continues. "Are you copying your notes out in Russian in that book?"

"Not exactly. It's a journal. Writing in my native language helps me clear my head."

"Have you been writing it for a long time or just since coming here?"

"Probably since I was eight," he says quietly.

"Wow," she says quietly. "Impressive. Not many people stick to something like that for so long. You must have a pretty interesting life if you have something to write about every day."

He studies her for a second, the slightest touch of a smile toying at his lips. "Maybe," he jests. "I chose a life of space adventure for a reason."

Vienna smiles a little at his comment, not sure how to interpret it.

The cafeteria is busy again and Vienna sits with Damien and a few of his friends. She's far from involved in the conversation. She's thinking about space when a familiar face passes by.

"Chekov," she calls, just loud enough to attract his attention. He looks over and smiles, taking a seat opposite her. Damien introduces himself, shaking Chekov's hand. Damien seems the slightly less relaxed than he normally is. Vienna wonders if he's met Chekov someplace before. Chekov doesn't seem to recognise him. They talk for a little while, Vienna having a few questions about the content they've gone over in the classes they had together.

For a few days, Vienna doesn't see Chekov or Damien. She decides to get away from studying for a few hours and leaves her dorm room, heading towards the city. She gets to the edge of the campus before seeing Chekov on a bench a little ahead. She sneaks up beside him and grabs his shoulders. He freaks out and shuts his journal, turning around and rolling his eyes upon seeing Vienna.

"You scared me," he says weakly.

"Sorry about that," she laughs, taking a seat beside him on the bench. "Writing again?"

He nods. "What are you doing? Are you heading out into the city?"

"I was planning on going for a walk into the city, maybe getting something to eat. You're welcome to join me, if you're not busy."

He smiles a little. "I... I will, if you don't mind."

She can only smile at how polite he is, standing up as he puts his journal back into his bag. It's almost strange seeing him in something other than cadet red. He wears jeans and a hoodie, seemingly unphased by the frigid January weather. They start walking together, Vienna finding herself glad that she can finally have a non-schoolwork related conversation with him. She asks about Russia and his time there, to which he doesn't seem to give too many details about. She wonders if he had problems over there but decides to leave it as a conversation for another time.

They walk past a bookshop and Chekov asks if they can have a look inside. Vienna has absolutely no objections. Chekov heads straight for the science books, Vienna stays in the fiction section. She questions if she'd even have time to read with everything else going in terms of study.

"I found it," Chekov mutters, a thick physics book in his hand. Vienna asks to have a look and flips through a few of the pages, realising that the Russian in Chekov's journal would make an equal amount of sense as all the mathematics on the page.

"You understand this?"

He nods, not giving much other information. She thinks he's too humble to say anything else. She gives him back the book and he puts it in his bag as they leave the store. They keep walking and Vienna gets a little lost in all the shops and bright colours. He watches her as she stares in wonderment at the world around her and smiles a little to himself.

Vienna walks past a dress shop and one of the garments in the window catches her eyes. Chekov slows down and sees the dress she's looking at.

"I'm happy to wait for you if you want to try it on."

She looks to him and nods. The dress is a deep red and the colour alone attracts her eyes. She enters the store with Chekov following silently behind her. He finds a seat and has a look at the book he just bought. She shuffles through the clothing rack for one her size and pulls it, having a closer look at it. She left most of her nice clothes back at her home in Delaware.

She takes it into the change rooms and tries it on, admiring it in the mirror. It's not expensive, she's considering buying it. She steps out of the change rooms and looks over to Chekov, who has his head stuck in the physics book.

"Hey," she calls, attracting more than just his attention. "Does it look aright?"

"You look stunning," he blurts out, quickly covering his mouth. She can see his face heating up and he switches to Russian, muttering to himself. She gives him a smile and disappears back into the dressing room and he rubs his hand across his face, telling himself not to be an idiot.

They leave the shop and Chekov is even more quieter than usual. Vienna nudges his side and he looks over to her, curious. She gives him a grin and despite his blazing cheeks, he can't help returning her smile.

For a while, the keep walking around the city. Vienna asks what Chekov's studying and he tells her a little about navigation. He isn't finding it too hard so far but she wonders if that's just because he's a lot smarter than he cares to admit. He likes mapping out the stars and tells her that Stellar Cartography is quite possibly the most interesting subject he's ever taken.

Chekov ends up walking Vienna back to her room. He thanks her for their day and she isn't entirely sure why. They just walked around and talked together for a few hours. She enjoyed it nonetheless.

"I'll see in you in class?" She asks.

"Definitely."

Vienna takes a seat next to Chekov in their ethics class and he closes his journal. He's more chatty than usual, even just the slightest bit. He tells her that he's finished the book he bought, she isn't sure whether he's kidding or not.

"It was a really good book," he says, brushing the curls from his eyes. "They had some really interesting concepts and ideas in there."

"I still can't believe that you finished it, and that English isn't your first language. When did you move over here? Have you been living in America long, is that why it's so good?"

"I've only been here a month or so. I studied English back in Russia. I did an intensive course after high school."

"You didn't graduate at the end of last year?"

"Not exactly…" He mutters, an awkwardness seeping into his voice. "I, uh, I graduated a while ago."

"Are you going to tell me when? You don't have to if you don't want to."

He opens his mouth to say something but the lecturer calls their attention to the front of the room and he just breathes a sigh of relief. He goes back to his journal as she starts talking and keeps writing. Vienna watches from the corner of her eye and wonders what it is he writes about. He wonders if he's written about her and their day together a few days ago. She doesn't know what her name looks like in Russian and she tells herself she'll look it up when she gets back to her dorm room.

The class finishes and Chekov packs his journal away silently. Vienna asks if he has another class. He shakes his head and she asks if he'll come have lunch in the cafeteria. He seems to take a few seconds to consider the offer.

"Yes, I'll join. Thank you."

They walk together back to the cafeteria. It's warm and there seem to be a few more students than usual. They grab a few things to eat and Vienna goes ahead to find them a seat. She puts her tray down and looks around for Chekov, seeing him holding his own tray and walking over. Someone pushes their chair out quickly and knocks Chekov over, sending the contents of the tray onto him and onto someone else on the opposite side of the seat. Chekov looks up at the person he spilt some of his food onto. They rise to their full height and tower over Chekov.

"Damien?" Vienna whispers, standing to get a better look.

He pulls Chekov up by his collar and Vienna notices what looks like yogurt through his hair and onto his uniform.

"Get lost, Jerk-off," Damien growls, pushing him backwards. Chekov doesn't hesitate. He leaves the cafeteria and keeps walking. Vienna stands there a little speechless. She sinks back into her seat and tells herself to go check up on Chekov soon. She needs to wait a little while first, give him a chance to calm down a little.

That afternoon, Vienna finds his room, remembering asking him where it was when they went walking together. He had told her building number and about a weird pale blue stripe along the bottom of the door. After walking around for a bit, Vienna found what she assumed was the right one. She knocks on his door nervously, not hearing anything on the other side.

She knocks again, a little louder this time.

"Ah, one second!" He calls out, Vienna steps back and looks at the stripe on the door. "Vienna?" He says, confused as soon as he opens the door. "Ah, hi. Come in."

She steps inside, noticing a towel around his shoulder and his wet hair falling into his eyes. He seems flustered, she wonders of she should have messaged him first.

"I'm sorry for just appearing like this," she starts. He looks over to her. "I didn't think Damien was like that… I mean, it wasn't even your fault, someone else knocked you over. And name calling as well… That's just… Juvenile."

He's grips the sleeves of his hoodie and shrugs. "I didn't expect it either."

"Are you alright?"

He looks up at her. "I'm fine. It's just a name."

Vienna stays for a while. They talk, Chekov a lot less talkative than earlier that morning. His dark blue eyes follow her lips as she speaks, and he tries not to look like he's staring. He asks about her family and she tells him about her younger sister and her dog that she misses. He listens, comforted by how effortless their conversations feel.

Just before Vienna leaves she asks him again if he's alright, to which he just nods.

"As I said… It's just a name. I know I shouldn't dwell on it."

She tries not to smile at how 'dwell' sounds like 'dvell' when he says it. She tells him to take it easy and he nods again, biting the inside of his lip. She turns to go and he squeezes the door handle, trying to will himself to call out to her.

"Vienna?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For coming over. I… It means a lot to me."

She grins. "Anytime. I'll see you in class."

The next time she sees him is two day later in another safety protocol class and they're told they'll start simulations within the next few weeks. Vienna is too busy trying to find her name in Chekov's journal to pay real attention. She memorised what her name looked like and now she wants to see if she can find it. She scans over the first paragraph and doesn't find it. She keeps reading and spots it, right in the middle of his page.

Виенна

It appears a few more times after that. She wishes she knew what it was saying about her. She goes back trying to pay attention, though her mind is busy elsewhere. She wonders if she should ask him how to write her name in Russian and see if he uses his journal as an example as opposed to writing it. If he did that, he'd probably tell her what the rest of the sentence said. She frowns, knowing that she really shouldn't be snooping anyway, even though she desperately wants to.

After class, the two of them find a spot in the library together and Vienna tells Chekov about a dentistry position that has just opened up. Starships need at least one practising dentist and though it's an uncommon subject choice, Vienna is seriously considering it. She likes the idea of something a little different than just nursing and Chekov tells her she should try it if she's interested.

"I know this is a little off track but we never really finished the conversation about when you graduated high school... I was going to ask about it, but you seemed a little uneasy about it last time."

"Ah," he says, thinking of how to word his thoughts. "I am studying navigation as a post graduate course."

"Wait, so you've been to college already?"

"Moscow University," he says, not making eye contact. "I actually have a Masters in astrophysics. I graduated high school when I was ten. I did an intensive English course for a year before I came here."

"How old are you now? Are you eighteen?"

He looks up at her, as though he's been dreading this question. "I'm… I'm still sixteen. My birthday is in a month but no, I'm a long way off eighteen."

"I'm only just older than you," she says, his eyes focus in on her, curious. "I'm not eighteen yet either."

Chekov feels comforted in knowing this, though he doesn't voice the though aloud. He moves his hair out of his eyes, going back to writing in his journal. They keep working quietly together for a while, Vienna trying to get a grasp on alien anatomy. She complains about it periodically, Chekov smiling as he listens to her rants. He always stops writing when he's listening to her, something she's yet to notice.

Chekov leaves his journal open on the table when he goes to the bathroom. Vienna looks to where he was walking and reads over his journal, trying to spot the one word she recognises. She finds it, in among a sea of Cyrillic that she can't make sense of. A thought crosses her mind and tells herself it would be easy just to take a photo of the page. She could auto-translate it when she got back to her dorm. It would be so easy. It would take one second and she could cure her curiosity, get a little insight into Chekov's mind.

Vienna waits half an hour after Chekov gets back to ask about what he's writing. He raises an eyebrow, asking for a little more detail.

"What do you write about? Do you go over class content or what you had for breakfast or what? I just want to know what's in there."

He smiles at her comment. "I do write about what I eat sometimes," he says softly. "It's just embarrassing for me to go into detail about. I write about my feelings and what I'm thinking about or worried about… I don't know how else to describe it."

"Am I in there?"

He anticipated the question, but he feels no more prepared for it. "Well, yes… I don't want to sound weird or anything but thoughts I've had stemming from our conversations are in here. When we spent the day together that was in there too…"

"And if your feelings are all in there, does that include your feelings about me?" She asks the question with a smile and he can feel his face heat up.

"Ah, well… I…"

"I'm sorry," she says quickly, noticing how flustered he's getting. "You don't have to answer that. I shouldn't be asking such personal questions. I think it's cool that you write a journal though. It's probably a good idea to have your thoughts in a way that you're able to visualise them."

"Exactly," he mutters. "Not many people understand that."

The weekend comes around again and Vienna spends most of it studying. All the work they're given is far more time consuming than she anticipated and it takes her a few hours to get it all done. She starts drawing a little in the afternoon, trying to take her mind off the homework she still has left to do. For a while she gets lost in her work and jolts back into reality, realising she's been drawing the boy from her dreams. He balances along the wall of a building the stars in view and his arms outstretched to keep him steady. She puts her pen down and runs a hand through her hair.

There's a knock at the door and Vienna's roommate answers it, calling out to Vienna as soon as the door is open.

"Chekov?" Vienna asks, smiling and pulling up a chair for him.

"Hey," he greets, "sorry for just showing up."

"Don't be," she laughs, "What brought you here?"

"I came to see if you were busy."

"And assuming I'm not busy?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to come see a space exhibition with me. It's at this small museum a few blocks walk from the city. If it doesn't really interest you, that's fine but I thought I'd ask…"

Vienna has to stop herself from pointing out how polite he is but agrees, liking the idea of spending the afternoon with him instead of staying in her room trying to study. She asks if he's happy to wait a few minutes while she gets herself sorted, which he is. He scribbles in the back of his journal as he waits, daydreaming a little.

Vienna and Chekov only make it a little past the dorms before running into unwanted company. Vienna hasn't talked to Damien since he pushed Chekov in the cafeteria but he notices them walking together and he makes the point of calling out to them.

"Vienna! You know, I didn't pick you as the type to be into boys like him. You know, it's not too late to change your mind. I think you'll find that there's certain qualities that make for a good partner. Being pathetic isn't one of them."

Vienna's eyes narrow in on him, Chekov wants to keep walking, not continue this conversation. "You have an awfully weird way of trying to show interest in someone. Bringing other people down and being an ass-hole isn't an attractive quality either. You don't know him. Leave him alone."

"Oh, but that's the thing," he says, his voice dropping. "I do, I know him more than you think and a lot more than what he thinks. Don't think that you're getting the full picture Vienna. The Chekov's aren't known for how they treat their girlfriends."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Vienna bites, clenching her fists tightly.

"Ask him," Damien says flatly, gesturing to Chekov. "I'm sure he'll find a way to explain." He looks to the rest of his group and they walk away. Vienna and Chekov stand there, watching and unsure what to say to each other.

"I've no idea what he means," Chekov says quietly, looking over to Vienna.

"Let's just go sit somewhere," she suggests, her mind racing more than she cares to admit.

They find a space that's reasonably empty. Vienna sits down and looks up at Chekov, who's still standing.

"Can we start with the fact that Chekov is your last name?"

"Chekov is my last name, yes," he confirms. "My name is Pavel Andreivich Chekov."

"Pavel?" She asks. "I like that name. Can I call you that instead?"

"Of course."

Chekov sits down then, a little worried about the rest of the questions that are coming. He doesn't know how he's supposed to answer some of them when he doesn't even know the answers himself. He has a hunch but Vienna doesn't start asking questions.

"I think Damien's just trying to cause trouble. I think he wants to make me paranoid or something. Does anything he said make sense to you?"

"I have a hunch he might be talking about my brother is he means the Chekov name but I don't know how he'd know my brother…"

Vienna nods, deciding to leave the conversation there. They make a mutual decision to leave the museum for another day, heading back to their dorms. She wonders why Damien's trying to get involved with her friendship with Chekov. She wonders if he's jealous or something. It doesn't seem plausible. They haven't even talked all that much. They've talked briefly once or twice, she didn't think it would mean that much.


	2. Chapter 2

Angels - Pavel Chekov

PART TWO

Private/Not-so-private Thoughts

Class is quiet again. Chekov writes, Vienna pays half attention in ethics. She's been having dreams again, the same boy on the precipice of a building. Each time she pulls more details from it. This time she remembers their face being concealed by a hoodie. That's about all she can remember. She twirls her pen in her hands and stares blankly to the front of the classroom.

Chekov is yet to say much. He's bouncing his leg again and Vienna wonders if he's quiet from what Damien was saying yesterday. Damien called him pathetic, Vienna almost forgot that.

"Hey," she says softly. He looks up. "Are you alright? What Damien called you yesterday was really mean."

"It's just a name," he says quietly, almost to himself.

"That didn't answer my question," she notes, he looks at her curiously, surprised she picked up on that.

"I'm alright," he mutters, his eyes cast downwards at his book. She feels an underlying insincerity in his response, that she doesn't point out. They go back to the lesson, Vienna wondering if she should start asking more questions.

It's in the library that Vienna decides to ask more questions. She thinks about what she should be asking, when he gets up, telling her he'll be back in a minute. His journal is open again. She follows him with her eyes as he goes. She looks at his journal, taking her PADD from her bag.

That's when Vienna does something both good and bad at the same time. She take a few photos. That day's pages, the pages from the day before and the day they went to the city together. She feels herself sweating as she puts her PADD back into her bag, even though he's nowhere in sight. He comes back and she just smiles at him, going back to her study. She feels her stomach churn uncomfortably.

It takes a few hours for Vienna to finally bring herself to look at the photos and translate them. She knows she's doing the wrong thing. She knows she shouldn't be prying into his life but something tells her that she needs to, that there's a reason she's so desperate to see what's written. She puts her PADD down and has a shower, trying to clear her mind a little.

Vienna comes back to her PADD and picks it up, not hesitating this time. She starts with the page from the day they spent in the city together, drumming her fingers against the desk anxiously as she waits for it to load. His handwriting is so small and neat. It seems to suit his personality.

She skips to the last paragraph, a few lines in it catching her.

 _'Today was beautiful and I finally felt calm. It's the first clean night I've had in a while. I can't help but hope more days like these will continue.'_

She thinks she gets it then. A clean night, that he must be a drug addict. It could be plausible with how smart he is, that he could just be bored, wanting something else to do with his time. She picks up her bag and puts her PADD into it. She wonders if she felt compelled to read it to stop an overdose or something. Panic starts settling in, she leaves her dorm and heads for his, wondering what she'll say when she gets there.

Waiting for him to open the door seems to take an eternity and a half. She wonders if her suspicions are right, that he's in there getting high or something. He opens the door, surprised to see her on the other side.

"Vienna?"

"Hey," she says softly. He looks a little flustered, like he's anxious or something. "I'm sorry for showing up at this hour. I… Can I come in? I wanted to talk to you."

"Sure," he says, stepping to the side so she can enter. He runs his hands through his hair as he closes the door.

Vienna realises she needs to think of some kind of excuse quickly. He seems sober, that's apparent. She thinks her hunch may have been wrong. She looks to him and realises that she wasn't imagining how flustered he looks.

"Pavel, are you alright?"

He looks over to her, his dark blue eyes looking more like a shallow grey. "Ah, yeah sorry."

"Did I come at a bad time?"

He looks away biting the inside of his lip, trying to keep himself together.

"Pavel?"

He walks away from where she's sitting, going into the kitchen and getting a glass of water. He drinks it, yet to make eye contact with her again. He puts the glass down, trying to think of something to say.

"What happened, Pavel?"

He takes a seat beside her, his perfect posture bothering her more than she cares to admit. He doesn't know where to start until the words simply push themselves out of his mouth. "Damien's group were pushing me around. They called me Jerk-off again."

She notices the way his hands grip the bottom of his hoodie tightly and rest on top of his knees.

"Do you know why?"

He shakes his head. "I know I shouldn't be this bothered by it. That they're just trying to provoke me but…"

His lip quivers a little, Vienna notices it. He brushes his hair from his eyes and Vienna's gaze locks onto his sleeve. The pale grey of his hoodie is faintly stained, and she reaches for his arm, her mind going quiet.

"Vienna," he says quickly, pulling his arm away. "I'm sorry, you said you had something you wanted to talk about. I shouldn't be sitting here complaining instead."

She ignores his comment, looking up into his eyes before reaching for his sleeve again. He stands up abruptly.

"I'm sorry, it's late. I'm just tired from today, maybe you should come back tomorrow."

"Pavel," she says softly, looking up at him. She stands, trying to think of what to say. "You know you can trust me. You can show me, Pavel. I'm not going to judge you."

He finally meets her eyes again and she's reasonably sure that they're watering. He doesn't say anything. One part of him knows not to argue, not to try and push her away like his mind is screaming at him to do He just takes a step towards her and offers his arm. She takes it gently and pulls his sleeve up, showing what she already feared was there. She inspects his arm, sighing to herself.

"How long have you been… How long have you been doing this?" She asks, her voice laced with uncertainty.

"Two or three years. I don't really remember when it started. I don't think I want to remember when."

She tells him to come sit back down and he does, quickly wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve. Vienna is lost for words, she drums her fingers on the side of her legs.

"Where's your medkit?"

"Sorry?"

"Your medkit? There should be one in your bathroom cupboard. These are wounds, Pavel, they need to be cleaned and bandaged."

He decides not to argue, going and fetching the medkit from the bedroom. He passes it to her and takes his hoodie off. She tells him to let her do it as soon as his hand goes near the med kit. He rests his arm on his leg and lets her work away at it. He winces at the antibacterial cream and she apologises softly. He wipes his eyes again, she wonders if it's from the sting of the cream or the situation in general.

He thanks her for bandaging his arm. She asks if that's why he was flustered when she came in, he nods. She asked if it was the same thing happening when she came over after Damien pushed him in the cafeteria. He nods again.

"I care about you Pavel…" She says softly, putting her hand on his knee. "I don't want you to suffer by yourself."

"I'll be fine," he says, his eyes still cast downwards. "I'm not dragging you into this, okay?"

"You're not dragging me into anything," she says stubbornly. "I'm your friend, Pavel. I'm making a choice here to support you through this."

She puts her hand on top of his and he looks up at her, adjusting his grip so he can squeeze her hand back gently. He gives her a gentle smile and she smiles back in return, giving his hand another squeeze.

"Come here," she says gently, wrapping her arms around him. He seems a little surprised by the gesture initially. He wraps his own arms around her and buries his face in the crook of her neck. "You'll be okay," she says softly, running her hand up and down his back gently. He breathes out a sigh of relief and squeezes her gently. She smiles and closes her eyes, thinking about how glad she is that she read his journal.

They stay and talk late into the night, sitting on the floor with their backs resting against the bed. Vienna falls asleep first and Pavel less than a minute after, resting his head on top of hers. When she stirs, he starts waking up and he realises his arm is wrapped around her. He removes it, his cheeks blazing a little.

"Hey," she greets. "We fell asleep together."

"We did," he confirms, stretching out. "Are you hungry?"

"Just sore at the moment," she mutters, rubbing her back a little. "Before I forget, I also wanted whatever it was that you used on your arm. I'd like to get rid of it."

He studies her for a second, realising that she's very serious and disappearing into the bathroom and bringing back out a small packaging knife. He closes it before passing it to her, an apologetic look in his eyes.

They eat together quietly. Pavel sits close to her as she eats and she notices, shuffling the slightest bit closer to him. He smiles to himself but he knows what she's doing. He nudges her with his arm and she nudges him back, grinning to herself. He laughs getting up and putting his plate in the sink.

"Is your roommate around?"

"He only visits here periodically. He spends most of his time in his girlfriend's dorm. I don't think he's spent a night here yet."

Vienna smiles, putting her own plate in the sink. She wants to stay a little longer but she has class soon and she needs a little time to get herself ready.

"I better go but I'll see you in class soon, right? I just… Promise me you'll try and stop. That you'll come over or message or call or something instead. As I said, I care about you. You know that, right?"

He smiles, giving her a gentle nod. "I promise I'll try."

Vienna's roommate raises an eyebrow at her, noticing she's in the same clothes from last night.

"You weren't at a boy's room, were you?" She asks, grinning a little.

"I was, but not in the way you're probably thinking. We were talking and just fell asleep."

"Mhmm, I've heard that one before."

Vienna laughs, throwing her bag down and heading into the shower.

Pavel's mood seems brighter in class. He has a faint smile as he writes and Vienna notices it as soon as she comes into the lecture hall. His head is cocked to the side, he's daydreaming as he writes and he almost doesn't notice her sitting down beside him.

"You look cheerful," she points out, tapping her foot against his.

"I'm in a good mood, yes," he says quietly, his eyes leaving the book and digging into hers. He has a subtle smile and she can only grin stupidly every time she sees it. He hasn't smiled like this over something so small in an eternity. He writes in his journal and draws stars in the margins.

"Come over tonight," she says softly, he looks over to her. "Come over and we can study together."

"Will your roommate be there? Will she mind having me over? We could away go to my dorm, it's normally empty anyway."

"Sounds good. I'll bring snacks."

He grins, back to drawing stars as his cheeks glow a gentle red. She asks if he's writing about their night together last night and he nods. She looks to what he's writing, looking for her name again. She can see it in the paragraph he's writing, and the moment and she wonders if he's writing about what she just asked him.

Vienna comes over a little earlier than planned and Pavel still has a towel around his shoulders. His hair is soggy and falling in his eyes and he dries it while Vienna starts reading through something on her PADD. He offers her a seat or his desk to use, but she lies with her stomach on the floor, her feet pointing up at the ceiling. He watches her as he dries his hair, asking if she wants a drink.

"I'm alright," she says. "I just want to wrap my head around a few of these questions. Do you have much homework to do?"

"Just a few questions for Astrophysics Three and a small writeup for stellar cartography."

"I thought you were in Astrophysics One? That's the first year course, isn't it?"

"I tested out of it," he mutters. "It was a lot of concept I already covered in university. I should be testing out of Astrophysics Three on Monday afternoon assuming I pass."

"You're not nervous?"

He shakes his head. "I've studied for it. I'm confident enough. It's all stuff I've done before. I'll manage."

"You're pretty amazing. You know that, yeah?"

"Hardly."

Pavel quickly learns that he enjoys sharing meals with Vienna. They sit right next to eat other on the couch and they nudge each other back and forth, trying not to smile too stupidly. He likes how relaxed her feels around her and he considers telling her. She loves how talkative he is as soon as he's out of a classroom setting.

"Pavel," she laughs softly. "I need to get back to studying."

"Ah," he says, "Or you can sit here next to me a little longer. I can help you with your questions but just stay a little more."

"How about you answer some of my questions while I sit here with you? I have a few I'm sure you can answer."

"And what are your questions, Vienna?"

She loves the way he says her name and asks why she's laughing, his deep blue eyes painted with a curiosity that she's loving getting used to seeing.

"Just the way you say my name," she laughs. "I love it, it's the cutest thing."

"Vienna," he says, grinning at her.

She loves the way he blends the sounds together, how his accent sounds floating from his lips. She nudges his side and he nudges her back, taking any physical contact she'll give him. He's far too shy to initiate anything yet and he hopes he'll gain the confidence before she notices.

"What were your questions?" He urges, assuming they're about space or nursing or something.

"So, I have to start with a confession. I looked up how to write my name in Russian to see if I could spot it in your journal. And I've seen my name in your journal… I want to know what's in there, what you write about. I want you to read me something Pavel."

"I can't read you something," Pavel says, rolling his eyes. "Those are my private thoughts, Vienna, I didn't write them with the intention of them ever being read."

"Read me something you don't mind me hearing then. Tell me what you had for breakfast three weeks ago, I don't care. I just want to hear a little into your life."

He thinks for a few seconds, sighing and taking his journal off his desk. He flicks through a few pages, finding one and looking at her briefly before letting his eyes drop back down to the book. He starts reading, in Russian, making her roll her eyes. He reads wishing that she understood or that he had the courage to repeat his thoughts in a language she understands. He spills his heart out to her and for a few minutes, he feels better than he has in an eternity. She smiles listening to his Russian, and he pretends that she understands what he tells her.

"So?" He says, closing his journal. "You didn't say I had to read it to you in English."

"I realised that. It's beautiful hearing you speak in Russian, even if I don't understand it. I still think you should read it in English though."

"I…" He swallows, opening the journal. "Her… Her name is Vienna and… she's beautiful."

Vienna feels her own cheeks redden and she puts her hands on his knees, smiling at him.

"You don't have to continue," she says softly. "I'm more than happy with just hearing that. Plus we should really get back to study.

Pavel nods, a glow spreading quickly across his cheeks. He closes his journal and watches as she returns to her position on the floor. He goes into the kitchen to get a drink, placing a hand on his cheek to feel how warm it is. He wonders if Vienna's anatomy textbook would say anything about the comfortable expansion he feels in his chest.

For two weeks, they study together almost every night. They spend some of their time in the library, some of it in Pavel's room. Vienna finally meets his elusive roommate and stops asking for him to read out his journal to her. Vienna realises just how talkative and bubbly Pavel's personality actually is.

Damien doesn't give them any trouble for a little too long and it makes Vienna suspicious, but she decides not to voice it and make Pavel worry. She forgets about it for a few days until Pavel shows up at her door unannounced, looking more flustered than she thinks she's ever seen him.

"My journal," he says weakly, "I can't find it anywhere, did I leave it here? Do you have it? Have you seen it?"

"Hey," she says softly, grabbing her bag off her bed and stepping out of the door. "I don't have it but it has to be here somewhere, okay? Have you checked all your classes?"

"I checked all my classes and the cafeteria, along with lost property. I don't know where it is. It has everything in it Vienna, I can't… I can't lose it."

"The library?" Vienna asks, "Have you checked there?"

He shakes his head and they speed walk over there, Vienna fears deep down that they may not find it again.

The library doesn't have it and Vienna is trying to think of somewhere they can look. She doesn't have to because a few laughs catch her attention and Pavel stops walking, his eyes focused a few meters in the distance.

"Vienna," he whispers. "My journal."

Pavel looks a little white by the time that they walk the path over to the group sitting around with Damien. Vienna bites the inside of her lip, angry and feeling too many thoughts rush through her head.

"Give it back," she says simply, her eyes digging into Damien.

He throws the book back to Pavel, who almost drops it. Vienna questions why he neither argued nor hesitated and waits as Pavel checks that the pages are intact.

"You really do provide and entertaining read, Chekov," Damien laughs. "Even though your writing mirrors that of a twelve-year-old girl."

Pavel looks up, fear in his eyes as it sinks in that Damien has been reading into his private thoughts.

"I even made a list of my favourite lines." He clears his throat and grins, picking his PADD up from beside him.

" _The girl next to me is so beautiful, I wish I could make conversation with her. We went out into the city together today and I haven't felt this good in a long time. She's all I can think about. She squeezed my hand and hugged me, I swear it's just a dream sometimes."_

The group around him keeps laughing and Damien continues, grinning at his PADD.

 _"I haven't cut in a while now, I think she's an angel. I wish I had the courage to kiss her."_ He laughs again, taking a second to look up. "Here's my favourite one _; 'I've been thinking about her again, in a way a lot dirtier than before. I can't help but wonder what she'd think of it."_

"I guess now you'll finally know," one of Damien's friends laughs.

Pavel is gone by then, he runs, and Vienna watches him, still frozen in shock. Damien looks at the other people in his group and then over to Vienna again.

"See what I mean? He's literally a twelve-year-old girl. You're getting yourself into a mess, Vienna."

"You're a cruel bastard, Damien," she snarls before turning and running after Pavel.

His dorm is empty and she can't find him in the library. As she's trying to think it's then that she looks up, the top of the astronomy building. Her face goes a few shades whiter and she breaks into a sprint, one part of her brain instructing her to get up that building as fast as possible.

The elevator ride is excruciating, her body racks with heavy breaths, there are tears in her eyes and she doesn't know if they're from exhaustion or anxiety. As soon as the doors open she's searching the rooftop and she spots him sitting along the wall, his feet dangling off the side of the building.

She grabs his body and pulls his backwards, he yelps in surprise. Vienna sinks to her knees, sobs making her chest heave. He looks up at her, his hand reaching out to touch her. She pulls away from him, her face burning and her eyes too cloudy to properly see.

"Don't," she warns. "Don't you fucking do that to me, Pavel! I can't, I can't breathe."

"I… I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to jump."

She doesn't say anything, she's crying too much to. He stays silent, his own eyes watering as well. His cheeks are blazing, he can't bear to look her in the eyes. He feels ill and Vienna stays there crying. She looks up at Pavel and moves closer to him, wrapping herself in his arm. He holds her as she sobs running his hand gently up and down her back. It takes a while for her to calm down. She goes eerily silent and he keeps holding her, trying to keep himself together.

"Talk to me, Pavel," she finally says, her voice still a little unsteady.

"I'm not suicidal," he says quietly. "Not at this point in time anyway."

"What Damien read," she starts. Pavel frowns before she continues.

"Those were private thoughts. I'm always so protective of that journal, it's always near me, I never imagined that he'd touch it. I… I feel like he ripped a part of me out, I'm so embarrassed Vienna, I just want to hide somewhere for the next eternity."

"Did you really want to kiss me?" She asks, and he realises then that he has a perfect opportunity. She's in his arms, her question sounds like some sort of invitation, but he doesn't take it. He just nods, knowing that there's no way out of the truth now.

"You shouldn't have come up here. You scared the life out of me. I thought I'd have to watch you fall off that ledge."

"I came up here because I didn't think you'd find me. I can up here for peace of mind. I didn't plan to jump, I just wanted time to think."

She wipes her eyes, still in his arms and not planning on leaving them any time soon. "You can't do things like that Pavel. You can't scare me like that. I thought I'd lose you."

"I said from the start that I didn't want to drag you anything. I… Maybe you should keep your distance from me, I don't want to give you constant anxiety. I don't want my mental health to burden you. Maybe we should stop seeing each other."

"We don't need to have this conversation," she mutters, not interested in what he's implying.

"We do need to have this conversation, Vienna. I'm not going to burden you with the worry. I don't think we should continue this."

She stands up, brushing the loose strands of hair out of her eyes. "Listen to me," she says firmly. She has Pavel's full attention, he doesn't dare interrupt her. "I am sticking by you. I told you I would support you and I'm not backing out of that. I care about you. You know that. I refuse to give up on you."

He gives her a soft smile, standing up and dusting the dirt from his pants. He appreciates her comment and tries to dry his eyes a little. She hugs him and he rests his head on her shoulder, squeezing his arms around her waist. He's only a few inches taller than her but it's enough. He wishes then he had the courage to ask her if she would be something more to him than just a friend.

They head back to Pavel's room in relative silence. She worries about leaving him by himself after today but there's already damage across his arm from before she got to the rooftop. Pavel lies down when they get back to his room. He feels overwhelming emotional exhaustion from everything that's just happened and apologises to Vienna for being so sleepy. She feels the same sleepiness not long after he drifts off and she falls asleep on the couch, thoughts of Pavel lingering in her mind.

Vienna wakes up crying. The boy she dreams of walking along the edge of the building falls and she wakes up thinking that it's Pavel. He's already awake and trying to calm her down but she doesn't know where she is and his soft words of assurance don't seem to sink in.

He puts his hand on her cheek to try and get her to look at him. She takes a few deep breath and finally looks at him, her breath still catching in her throat. She puts her own hand on top of his and closes her eyes, finally starting to calm down a little.

"I'm sorry," she says. "You jumped. You jumped, Pavel."

"I'm here Vienna," he whispers. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I still feel exhausted," she says weakly, rubbing her eyes. Pavel suggests she goes back to sleep and she shakes her head, knowing that if she sleeps anymore she won't be able to fall asleep when she does need to go to bed. He takes the seat next to her and sighs. She asks how long he's been awake and he tells her the truth, that he only got a few minutes before she did. She asks to see his arm and he doesn't make eye contact, just staring silently at the floor.

"I don't want to show you my arm," he finally says, still not making eye contact.

"I already know what's there. I was worried you'd wake before me."

"It wasn't… I was on the roof Vienna, I wouldn't risk you waking up to me doing that…"

She asks to see anyway and he still doesn't oblige. She stands up and finds his medkit in the bathroom, putting it down on the table in front of him quietly. He doesn't say anything, his eyes start to water and Vienna wonders if she's being too pushy.

His sadness manifests into anger and he stands up, walking into the kitchen and trying to keep distance, even in the small space. He's crying now, even if he wipes his eyes before she gets a chance to see.

"This is what you wanted," he says softly, his hands gripping the kitchen bench. Vienna looks up at him, wondering if she's misheard. "You wanted to read that stupid journal. You wanted to know what was going on in my thoughts, how I felt. Now you know," he says, finishing his sentence with a week laugh. "Now you know exactly how I feel."

"Pavel," she says softly, not entirely sure where his sudden anger is coming from.

"I hate this! I'm not like this! I'm not angry, I'm not supposed to be getting so angry at you for something that isn't your fault! I hate this, Vienna! I just…" He breaks down then, his yells turning into sobs and his whole body sinking to the floor. She doesn't understand what's happening but she sits on the cold kitchen tiles with him and whispers his name. He keeps crying, his body loose and his sleeves covered in wet patches from his eyes. Vienna wraps her arm around his waist, the other, she uses to pull his head onto her shoulder. He rests against her, still sobbing. She digs her fingers into his springy hair and makes small circles, slowly quieting him down.

"I'm not like this," he whispers, pressing his sleeves against his eyes.

"I know you're not. I know, Pavel. Don't worry. I know you're not like this."

Pavel finally lets Vienna clean up his arm. He stays quiet. He feels like he's falling into a dark place and is just glad Vienna is by his side. They don't eat, too emotional to bother. Pavel doesn't talk for the rest of the evening, he lies on top of his bed and asks that Vienna joins him. She doesn't hesitate, lying on her stomach and turning her head to look at him. He's on his back and she wonders if that's how he normally sleeps.

She digs her fingers into his hair and notices him smiling faintly. For a few minutes, they just enjoy one another's company, quiet and almost content.

Vienna wakes up in Pavel's bed alone and she rubs her eyes, worried that she can't see Pavel. She finds him asleep on the couch. He's adorable when he sleeps, she has never thought otherwise. She sits beside him as she reads through her PADD. Ten minutes pass and he stirs, mumbling something in sleepy Russian. She smiles, asking him to repeat it.

"Hand," he mumbles, barely awake.

She takes a guess and puts her hand in his hair, smiling to herself. "Like that."

"Yeah," he breathes, falling back asleep.

Pavel doesn't properly wake up for another half hour. When he does, he seems surprised that Vienna's hand is in his hair.

"I was dreaming that you were playing with my hair," he mutters. He opens his eyes a little and rubs his face.

Vienna laughs and he asks why, sitting up a little. "You were still half asleep and you told me to put my hand in your hair. You just said 'hand' and I guessed from there. I've been patting your head for half an hour."

"Oh?" He chirps, waking up a little with this information. "I'm sorry… I thought I was still dreaming, I…"

"You really enjoy having your hair played with, don't you?"

"It makes me sleepy," he mutters. "I normally don't like other people touching it but… I don't seem to mind when you do."

"Why are you on the couch? Didn't you fall asleep in the bed with me?"

He nods, yawning. "I didn't want you waking up and getting the wrong idea," he says softly. "I thought it'd be more considerate of me to sleep elsewhere."

She places her hand on his cheek, grinning at him. He tries not to smile like a total idiot but doesn't really succeed, breaking into a goofy grin.

"You're one in a million, Pavel Chekov," she says softly. "You really are."


End file.
